People have told me they have no idea what it feels like to lose a child. The best way to describe how it feels is like this.
Imagine that you have had a hole cut in the middle of your body. You are still moving, breathing, and functioning in a way that looks normal, you are just doing it with a huge hole in your chest.
Now imagine that you are the only one who sees and feels that hole. Others know you have the hole but they can't see or feel it. In their own ways they might try to help you fill the hole. Some of their ideas are good ones that do help you patch the hole. Nothing ever completely fills the hole though.
Imagine after time goes by that a few places in the hole are patched up, but the hole is still there. At any time a bump or a jar can bring the pain back and you feel like you are back to the beginning.
After all this time some people understand that the hole will always be there and it won't ever be completely filled. Those are the ones you feel comfortable with. They are the ones who support you when the hole feels like it's growing. They get you.
There are others who figure that by now if you have learned to function with the hole that it's time for you to be over it. It makes them uncomfortable for you to still be hurting. They have all sorts of ideas of what you can and need to do to get over it.
The hole is there. It will always be there. There are some days when you are aware of the hole but it doesn't dominate your whole life. Other days are different. Those days the hole is the only thing you can think about and you wonder if you will ever be "normal" again.
That's what it feels like.
